worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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