Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
