I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
