careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
