I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
