You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
