Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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