She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
