This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the liver wants what the liver wants
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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