allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
