i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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