Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
