Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
