I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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