Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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