people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
