The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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