i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
