ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
