My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
