Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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