So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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