I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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