he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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