Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
