he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
