I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I looked at my own cervix.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
