Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
