: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
