so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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