when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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