Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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