Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
