Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
