I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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