My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
