I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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