bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
