I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
