The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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