Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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