I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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