He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
