can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
