This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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