Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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