anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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