I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
