At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
