VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
