My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
