I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
