Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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