but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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