I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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