Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
