He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We had sex on a dog bed..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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