she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
