Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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