I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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