Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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