Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
