11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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