the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
