Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize