she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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