When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
