I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize