New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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