Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
