my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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