I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
