I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
