are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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