I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
