remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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