I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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