I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
