he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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