Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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